A Restless Heart

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The stripped and shapely
Maple grieves
The ghosts of her
Departed leaves.


The ground is hard,
As hard as stone.
The year is old,
The birds are flown.


And yet the world,
In its distress,
Displays a certain
Loveliness.


The beauty of
The bone. Tall God
Must see our souls
This way, and nod.


Give thanks: we do,
Each in his place
Around the table
During Grace.
~John Updike “November” from “A Child’s Calendar”

Yea, I have looked, and seen November there;
The changeless seal of change it seemed to be,
Fair death of things that, living once, were fair;
Bright sign of loneliness too great for me,
Strange image of the dread eternity,
In whose void patience how can these have part,
These outstretched feverish hands, this restless heart?
~William Morris “November”

Four in the morning, November, the wind still asleep,
hard work for it all day yesterday, pushing itself,
going over the same old ground one more time, shuffling

woodlot to woodlot, looking as if it were aching all over,
its thin fingers blue, plucking the last of the yellow,
cracking the peelings, tossing the shuck, then nibbling

the soft, nutty October inside, sometimes what little bit’s
left of September, that last sweet taste of green, and then
moving on, leaving the twigs bare, nothing to catch at

the wind’s old gray jacket this winter, with its tiny
black holes for the crows, and leaving the trees bare
and easy to see through, all the way into April and May.
~Ted Kooser “The Gleaning”
(published on Facebook, written in 2021)

The maple leaves let go
in the wind and rain
in a bid for freedom,
swirling slowly to new adventure,
to a soft landing.

There they lay in leafy graveyard
atop others seeking release
from branching bondage,
each shaped differently
in designed diversity.

Once distinctive foliage,
so green and grand,
oak, chestnut, walnut,
dogwood, birch, maple
assimilated in color and wilt.

In death
mirroring each other
just as leaf buds
appeared indistinguishable
a mere eight months ago.

A ghostly mosaic of July’s shade,
they dress the ground
as they once adorned branches,
lifting and dancing
in the breeze.

Distressed and done,
fallen and sodden,
each one lies alone yet
together,
a carpeted coda to a summer past.

Even worn and wrinkly as I feel these days,
I know there still is beauty
as I look into your eyes that remember:
your eyes that saw me young
once so smooth and fresh and soft,
in yielding to fit you before we fall
together, beautifully in bloom.

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Affected By a Pebble

The least movement is of importance to all nature.
The entire ocean is affected by a pebble.

Thus in grace,
the least action affects everything by its consequences;
therefore everything is important.
~Blaise Pascal from Pensées

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the Palm of your Hand,
and Eternity in an Hour.

When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light
God Appears & God is Light
To those poor Souls who dwell in Night
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of day
~William Blake from “Auguries of Innocence”

photo by Josh Scholten

Some days I feel like I’m trying to swim in an ocean rocked by the most minute ripples.  The building waves created by forces beyond my control start small and can become overwhelming.  I can do nothing but let them flow over, around and beneath me, riding them up and down, trying not to get submerged for long and not get sea-sick. 

It can feel like a barrage: billows roll larger and mightier, at times relentlessly powerful, changing everything in their path.

In addition to riding the waves, perhaps I too can be the rippler-pebble in a way that might move oceans or mountains or most amazing of all, another soul, just once.  In some tiny way, I hope I can say or do or share something that makes a positive difference in someone’s life. That person forwards the ripple, spreading the wave a little further, a little broader, a little deeper to touch others. 

The effect goes far beyond the original thrown pebble, so it can never to be pulled back once it is let loose.

Having had the traumatic experience of a blog post going viral, I want nothing to do with creating big waves. Instead, I want to be the most insignificant of change agents, barely there, just moving enough of another heart and soul to start something that will grow and spread by itself, wild and wonderful.

I don’t know what it might be or how I might do it. Perhaps it is as simple as skipping rocks, choosing the best flattest pebble, rubbing the smooth sides between my fingers. With a momentary regret at giving it up to the ocean, I’ll haul back and just let it go. It will skip once, twice, three four five even six times and then disappear below. The surface of the water will never be quite the same again.

Nor will I.

A Clemency From Heaven

November pierces with its bleak remembrance
Of all the bitterness and waste of war.
Our silence tries but fails to make a semblance
Of that lost peace they thought worth fighting for.
Our silence seethes instead with wraiths and whispers,
And all the restless rumour of new wars,
The shells are falling all around our vespers,
No moment is unscarred, there is no pause,
In every instant bloodied innocence
Falls to the weary earth, and whilst we stand
Quiescence ends again in acquiescence,
And Abel’s blood still cries in every land
One silence only might redeem that blood
Only the silence of a dying God.
~Malcolm Guite “Silence: a Sonnet for Remembrance Day”

So, when old hopes that earth was bettering slowly
Were dead and damned, there sounded ‘War is done!’
One morrow. Said the bereft, and meek, and lowly,
‘Will men some day be given to grace? yea, wholly,
And in good sooth, as our dreams used to run?‘

Aye; all was hushed. The about-to-fire fired not,
The aimed-at moved away in trance-lipped song.

Calm fell. From Heaven distilled a clemency;
There was peace on earth, and silence in the sky;

Some could, some could not, shake off misery…

~Thomas Hardy from “And There Was a Great Calm”

(On the Signing of the Armistice, 11 Nov. 1918)

When you go home tell them of us and say –
“For your tomorrow we gave our today”
~John Maxwell Edmonds from “The Kohima Epitaph”

I’m unsure why the United States does not call November 11 Remembrance Day as the Commonwealth nations did at the WWI Armistice. This is a day that demands so much more than the more passive name Veterans’ Day represents.

This day calls all citizens who appreciate their freedoms to stop what they are doing and disrupt the routine rhythm of their lives. We are to remember in humble thankfulness the generations of military veterans who sacrificed time, resources, sometimes health and well being, and too often their lives in answering the call to defend their countries.

Remembrance means
~understanding what it costs to defend freedom.
~acknowledging the millions who have given of themselves and continue to do so on our behalf.
~caring for the oppressed who are unable to defend themselves.
~commiting to provide resources needed for the military to remain strong and supported.
~praying unceasingly for safe return home to family.
~holding these men and women close in our hearts, always teaching the next generation about the sacrifices they made.

Most of all, and certainly most challenging:
it means being willing ourselves to become the sacrifice when called.

Preparing for Remembrance Day

My father’s WWII Marine Corps cargo trunk was stored in the attic of my childhood home. This contained everything that followed him from Officer Training in Quantico, Virginia, to beach and mountain battles on Tarawa, Tinian and Saipan in the South Pacific, and three years later back home again.  It had his name and rank stenciled on the side in dark black lettering.  The buckles were stiff but could be opened with effort, and in the dark attic, there was always the thrill of unlatching the lid, and shining the flashlight across the contents.  His Marine Corps dress uniform lay inside underneath his stiff brimmed cap.  There were books about protocol, and a photo album which contained pictures of “his men” that he led in his battalion, and the collection of photos and letters my mother as she worked as a high school teacher back home.

Most puzzling to me as a kid was a folded Japanese flag inside a small drawstring bag, made of thin white silk with the bold red sun in the middle.  Surrounding the red sun were the delicate inked characters of many Japanese hands as if painted by artists, each wishing a soldier well in his fight for the empire.  Yet there it was, a symbol of that soldier’s demise, itself buried in an American attic, being gently and curiously held by an American daughter of a Marine Corps soldier. 

It would occur to me in the 1960s that some of the people who wrote on this flag might still be living, and certainly members of the soldier’s family would still be living.  I asked my father once about how he obtained the flag, and he, protecting both me and himself, waved me away, saying he couldn’t remember. 

I know better now.  He certainly knew, but could not possibly tell me the truth.

These flags, charms of good luck for the departing Japanese soldier as he left his neighborhood or village for war, are called Hinomaru Yosegaki (日の丸寄せ書き). Tens of thousands of these flags came home with American soldiers; it is clear they were not the talisman hoped for.  Thanks to the efforts of descendants of American and Japanese soldiers, some of these flags have found their way back to their home country, to the original villages. 

So has this flag.

Eighty-five years passed doesn’t seem that long, a mere drop in the river of time.  There are more than mere physical mementos that have flowed from the broken dam of WWII, flooding subsequent generations of Americans, Japanese, Europeans with memories that are now lost as the surviving soldiers have died, taking their stories of pain and loss and heroism with them.

In the U.S., children held with their families in Japanese internment camps during those years are now in their eighties and nineties. They continue to bear witness to the scars of what war does to erode trust and humanity between peoples.

My father could never talk with a person of Asian descent, Japanese or not, without being visibly uneasy. As a child, I saw and felt this from him, but heard little from his mouth.

When he was twenty two years old, pressed flat against the rocks of Tarawa, trying to melt into the ground to become invisible to the bullets whizzing overhead and explosions around him, he could not have conceived that decades later, his twenty-two year old grandson would disembark from a jumbo jet at Narita in Tokyo, making his way to an international Christian school to teach Japanese children. 

My father would have been shocked that his grandson would settle happily into a culture so foreign, so seemingly threatening, so apparently abhorrent. Yet this irony is the direct result of the horrors of that too-long bloody war of devastation: Americans and Japanese, despite so many differences, were to become the strongest of allies, happily exchanging the grandchildren of those bitterly warring soldiers back and forth across the Pacific. 

It too was my privilege to care for Japanese exchange students daily in my University health clinic, peering intently into their open faces and never once seeing the enemy that my father so feared. And they trusted I would take care of them as one of my own.

My soldier-father’s grandson taught as a missionary for 13 years in Tokyo, endowed with deep admiration and appreciation for each of his students, some of whom were great-grandchildren of WWII Japanese soldiers. 

He married a Japanese descendent of those my father fought. Their two children are the perfect amalgam of once warring, yet now peaceful, cultures; a symbol of blended and blending peoples overcoming the hatred and destruction of past generations, in the name of creating a new world, a new order.

Now having settled their family in the States, they are adapting to a different language, culture and flag. It is our great privilege as grandparents to live so close by, we are able to hug them every day.

I pray our son and his wife, and their children, redeem the horrors experienced by the soldier-warriors of the past century.

Perhaps all the loss and suffering was not in vain.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Peter Reft)
recent photo of us on the farm by John Shaw

The Purple Flush of November Skies

Than these November skies
Is no sky lovelier. The clouds are deep;
Into their grey the subtle spies
Of colour creep,
Changing that high austerity to delight,
Till ev’n the leaden interfolds are bright.
And, where the cloud breaks, faint far azure peers
Ere a thin flushing cloud again
Shuts up that loveliness, or shares.
The huge great clouds move slowly, gently, as
Reluctant the quick sun should shine in vain,
Holding in bright caprice their rain.
And when of colours none,
Not rose, nor amber, nor the scarce late green,
Is truly seen, —
In all the myriad grey,
In silver height and dusky deep, remain
The loveliest,
Faint purple flushes of the unvanquished sun.

~John Freeman “November Skies”

November is usually a barren landscape peasant-bare and farmer-plain. Even so, this austere month is sometimes offset by a royal light show in the skies with golden and purple hues painted by the rising and setting sun.

The sky has subtlety and nuance, not unlike what we see in a beloved and aging face. Indeed, a remembered beauty becomes liminal beyond the myriad gray. The horizon’s folds, lines and wrinkles glow with lambent light and depth.

Despite these darkening days, our sun is never vanquished. May we also be illuminated like these incredible skies, our grayness enrobed in royal golds and purples.

Come and See: Love One Another

When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself, and glorify him at once. Little children, yet a little while I am with you. You will seek me, and just as I said to the Jews, so now I also say to you, ‘Where I am going you cannot come.’

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus answered him, “Where I am going you cannot follow me now, but you will follow afterward.”

Peter said to him, “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”

Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow till you have denied me three times.
John 13: 31-38

Here is the source of every sacrament,
The all-transforming presence of the Lord,
Replenishing our every element
Remaking us in his creative Word.
For here the earth herself gives bread and wine,
The air delights to bear his Spirit’s speech,
The fire dances where the candles shine,
The waters cleanse us with His gentle touch.
And here He shows the full extent of love
To us whose love is always incomplete,
In vain we search the heavens high above,
The God of love is kneeling at our feet.
Though we betray Him, though it is the night.
He meets us here and loves us into light.

~Malcolm Guite “Maundy Thursday”

because we are all
betrayers, taking
silver and eating
body and blood and asking
(guilty) is it I and hearing
him say yes
it would be simple for us all
to rush out
and hang ourselves
but if we find grace
to weep and wait
after the voice of morning
has crowed in our ears
clearly enough
to break our hearts
he will be there
to ask us each again
do you love me
~Luci Shaw “Judas, Peter” from Polishing the Petoskey Stone

The blessed John the Evangelist lived in Ephesus until extreme old age. His disciples could barely carry him to church and he could not muster the voice to speak many words.

During individual gatherings he usually said nothing but,
“Little children, love one another.”

The disciples and brothers in attendance, annoyed because they always heard the same words, finally said, “Teacher, why do you always say this?” He replied with a line worthy of John:

“Because it is the Lord’s commandment and if it alone is kept, it is sufficient.” He said this because of the Apostle’s present mandate: “Let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the household of faith.”
~from Jerome, Commentary on Galatians


He calls us to draw near Him,
to gather together among the
hungry and thirsty
to the Supper He has prepared.

He washes the dirt off our feet;
we look away, mortified.
He serves us from Himself;
we fret about whether
we are worthy.

We are not.

He tells us the truth:
we cannot follow Him now,
we will deny we know Him out of fear, a
failing to love as commanded.

Starving and parched,
grimy and weary,
self-absorbed and fearful,
barely presentable
to be guests at His table.

We are made worthy only because
He loves us so.

I am reading slowly through the words in the Book of John over the next year alongside my church family. Once a week, I will invite you to “come and see” what those words might mean as we explore His promises together.

Lyrics:
I, your Lord and Master,
Now become your servant.
I who made the moon and stars
Will kneel to wash your feet.
This is My commandment:
To love as I have loved you.

Kneel to wash each other’s feet
As I have done for you.
All the world will know You are My disciples
By the love that you offer,
The kindness you show.
You have heard the voice of God
In the words that I have spoken.
You beheld Heaven’s glory
And have seen the face of God.

Fingerprints of Radiance

And when light
comes from nowhere I can see,

when my soul is clothed in
golden bandages, ribbons of grace,
how can I tell you? Or even tell myself
so I can write it down? No words
are bright enough to catch
those fingerprints of radiance
that flicker on my wall.
~Luci Shaw from “I Say Light, Thinking”
in Harvesting Fog

That afternoon, the air’s large hand
took hold of their backyard
apricot tree, the one that
had fruited, bountifully, a lush yield
in late summer, caught it in a downdraft
of chill, shook it lightly, again, again,
loosening each leaf from its
thumb of stem.
For two days I watched
the leaves’ pale, ground-ward drift,
each leaf singly, in its
gentle shedding, among all
the glints of gold,
each crumpled flick of fiber
from its stem’s thumb
a departure, a declaration.
An announcement, God saying,
gently, Thank You for
a lovely job. Now,
time to let go.
~Luci Shaw “Loewy’s Apricot Tree, Fall 2022”

Here God lives, burrowing among
the petals, cross-
pollinating. Here is Christ’s mind
juiced, joined, fleshed, celled.

Here is the clash,
the roil, an invasion, not gentle
as dew; the rose is unfurled
violently until the scent explodes
and detonates in the air

And oh, it trembles—
thousands of seeds ripen in it as
it reels in the wind.
~Luci Shaw from “Flower Head”
from Polishing the Petoskey Stone

I awake with my mind as askew as my hair,
brushing away the cobwebs of dreams,
smoothing down worries ever present,
curling the whiff of memories long forgotten.

And I realize these same molecules transmitting my thoughts
also carried Christ’s while He walked this earth;
the earthbound thoughts of God Himself,
borne by His integration of chemistry with ions,
in millions of electrical explosions per second.

My own mind trembles with the thought of it:

here God lives and shines His Light,
here He leaves His radiant fingerprints,
here He thinks in Words I understand,
here He loves, catching me when I let go…

Seize Each Day Gently

Certain I can’t carry
another sadness,
I step outside
and let the shine
of the mid-morning sun
stroke my cheek
like a lover.
And the air has a strange
bright citrus tang.
I inhale it
again and again.
Whatever it means
to be alive,
it has something
to do with this—
scent of leaf
and spruce and shadow.
The astonishing warmth
of a late October day.
The weight
of loving another,
that weight
without which
I would be nothing.

~Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer “Whatever It Means” from The Wonderment: Poems

Night and day
seize the day, also the night —
a handful of water to grasp.
The moon shines off the mountain
snow where grizzlies look for a place
for the winter’s sleep and birth.
I just ate the year’s last tomato
in the year’s fatal whirl.
This is mid-October, apple time.
I picked them for years.
One Mcintosh yielded sixty bushels.


Fifty years later we hold each other looking
out the windows at birds, making dinner,
a life to live day after day, a life of
dogs and children and the far wide country
out by rivers, rumpled by mountains.
So far the days keep coming.
Seize the day gently as if you loved her.

~Jim Harrison, from “Carpe Diem” from Dead Man’s Float

What prayer or magic spell or luck
leaves us breathless, thunder struck
just from looking in each other’s eyes
across the breakfast table? Surprise
of love comes as a kind of Divine Grace,
as if I’d never seen your face
before and now am stunned that you adore
the likes of me; whatever for
I do not know but now you’re stuck
and seem enamored of my face, its every ruck
and deep crevasse your sheer delight; it defies
all reason. Yet this spell causes us to rise
and with no word we tenderly embrace.
The sweetest feelings rush to fill the space
as if God came in through an open door
and we are nothing like we were before.
~Red Hawk “The Transformation” from #45 – Fall 2014

Tribute to Poets of Faith

Over forty-five years later,
the days keep coming,
a life lived together
day after day after day.

I try not to take a single one for granted,
each morning
a gift to be seized gently,
embraced with reverent gratitude.

There is so much to cling to,
as if this were the only day,
the only night,
knowing it can never come again.

There is so much that has passed,
like a blink –
we wonder where time disappears to,
where it hides after it disappears over the horizon.

There is so much to remember
and never forget.
There is so much yet to come
that is unknowable.

So I seize each day,
oh so gently,
like a lover.

Calling Out to Others

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A psalm of geese
labours overland

cajoling each other
near half…

The din grew immense.
No need to look up.

All you had to do
was sit in the sound

and put it down
as best you could…

It’s not a lonesome sound
but a panic,

a calling out to the others
to see if they’re there;
~Dermot Healy from A Fool’s Errand

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We are here to witness the creation and abet it.
We are here to notice each thing so each thing gets noticed.
Together we notice not only each mountain shadow
and each stone on the beach but, especially,
we notice the beautiful faces and complex natures of each other.
We are here to bring to consciousness the beauty and power
that are around us and to praise the people who are here with us.
We witness our generation and our times.
We watch the weather.
Otherwise, creation would be playing to an empty house.
~Annie Dillard from The Meaning of Life edited by David Friend

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Over the past week, the cacophony from the constant calling of migrating geese has been deafening at times. They pass overhead by the hundreds on their way to their winter homes, sometimes landing in nearby harvested cornfields for a snack.

Soon they are on their way again. Their voices call out, commanding my full attention during the brief time they are here:
going home, going home, I am going home.

I can’t help but notice; they are calling out to anyone who will listen.

It reminds me of my past doctoring work in my clinic; at times I felt overwhelmed by the amount of “noticing” I needed to do as part of my job. Each patient – and there were so many – deserved my full attention for the few minutes we are together.

I would start my clinical evaluation the moment I walked into the exam room, taking in all the complex verbal and non-verbal clues sometimes offered by another human being.

How and why are they reaching out to me? What do they want and need me to notice and understand? I must listen carefully.

I become audience and a witness; even more, I must understand it in order to best assist them. I must rise to the occasion of taking in another person, offering them the gift of being noticed and being there for them, just them.

The doctoring work I did became its own kind of love: the patient became the entire focus for a few moments. I was grateful to be watching and listening.

As my patients called out to me, on their own life journey, may they never have felt they were playing to an empty house.

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The Dance of Human History

I believed only air
stretched between the dogwood

and the barberry: another
thoughtless human assumption

sidetracking the best story
this furrow spider knew to spin.

And, trying to get the sticky
filament off my face, I must look,

to the neighbors, like someone
being attacked by his own nervous

system, a man conducting an orchestra
of bees. Or maybe it’s only the dance

of human history I’m reenacting:
caught in his own careless wreckage,

a man trying to extricate himself,
afraid to open his eyes.
~Jeff Worley from Lucky Talk

For a change, it is a relief the citizens of this country are waking up to clear election results. A majority of voters have mandated a new direction, in an attempt to turn this massive ship of a nation around.

Too often in recent history, the election results are uncertain the next day. We remain suspended in a sticky web of our own making for some time, dangling as the votes are recounted, rehashed, distrusted, and litigated…

Twenty-six years ago, I woke up not feeling very well after a long night of waiting for election results to come in. I thought it was from the tension of not knowing when the outcome would be finalized but no… It ended up being appendicitis — it was my 2000 post-election surgical solution to take my mind off the contest of Bush vs Gore.

It worked. I simply ceased to care about anything but my own healing. What was happening in the headlines became background noise.

This morning, I don’t need any such distraction. I will endeavor to keep myself out of the ER and the OR and just go about my day, watching our democracy in action.

For well over a decade, we the people have been caught in a sticky-wickety web, spread all over our faces. We’ve struggled to keep our eyes open to the reality of our own messy entrapment,

So today I am taking a few deep breaths and I hope you will too. And tomorrow and the next day.

And avoid radical surgery if we can.

Maybe this dance is something we can manage to do together — coordinated, cooperative, choreographed, and united —
rather than flailing about in a careless wreckage of human history.