Turn Aside and Look: To Lift My Face

snowyfir 
The rain this morning falls

on the last of the snow

and will wash it away. I can smell

the grass again, and the torn leaves

being eased down into the mud.
Today I want

to resolve nothing.

I only want to walk

a little longer in the cold

blessing of the rain,
and lift my face to it.
~Kim Addonizio “New Year’s Day”
snowywoods

…with my hands spread out to the Lord my God and prayed:“I am too ashamed and disgraced, my God, to lift up my face to you, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens.
~Ezra 9: 5-6

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Our prayer for cleansing during these Lenten days requires that we admit our guilt, shame and disgrace, and nevertheless we willingly turn aside from our ways and face the Lord.  He will rain blessings down on our upturned faces.  Salvation is coming.

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Lift up your face, lift up your face
Salvation is calling, salvation is calling

You have fallen so far now
You don’t even know how, you are going to survive
(But) Just above the horizon
A new light is shining, breaking through the darkest night
Love is coming and it’s calling out your name

You feel like your life is fading
You’re tired of waiting, for your moment to arrive
But tomorrow will bring a song that you can sing
And your hope is gonna rise
Love is coming and it’s calling out your name

Oh yeah…
Do you hear Him calling?
Can you hear Him calling?
He’s calling out your name
He’s calling out your name

Can you hear Him calling?
Can you hear Him calling now?
Oh, can you hear Him calling you
He is calling you now
He is calling out your name

Just above the horizon
A new light is shining
Salvation’s on its way
~Third Day

Understanding the Difference

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…the essence of sin
is man substituting himself for God,
while the essence of salvation
is God substituting himself for man.

~John Stott from The Cross of Christ

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Try as we might
to make things in our image,
no matter what discontent we feel,
we fail to understand
we are not God
and never can be.

Try as we might
to pick ourselves up when we fall,
no matter the anguish we feel,
we struggle to understand
He fell to earth to catch us:
bled our blood,
shed our tears.

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leafdewy

Between Midnight and Dawn: Our Forgetfulness

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I weep over the sorrows and disgraces of our Lord,
and what causes me the greatest sorrow
is that men, for whom He suffered so much,
live in forgetfulness of Him.
~St. Francis of Assisi

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.
~from Psalm 51

It doesn’t take committing infidelity or murder,
like King David with blood on his hands,
to feel estranged from God.

It can be as simple as
living each day within
a delusion of self-sufficiency.

But I am never sufficient.

Unable to fix my own heart,
I seek relief from the mud of
remorse and regret.
I bring my broken heart to Him.
May my tears no longer just be wept
in guilt for my wrongdoing,
but that I weep for our
God forgotten.

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During this Lenten season, I will be drawing inspiration from the new devotional collection edited by Sarah Arthur —Between Midnight and Dawn

Prepare for Joy: Substitution Allowed

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For the essence of sin is
man substituting himself for God,
while the essence of salvation is
God substituting Himself for man.

Man asserts himself against God and puts himself
where only God deserves to be;
God sacrifices Himself for man and puts Himself
where only man deserves to be.

Man claims prerogatives that belong to God alone;
God accepts penalties that belong to man alone.
~John Stott, The Cross of Christ

Our struggle with God, from our first breath,
is wanting to forget we are made from dust, molded from mud,
and will return to the ground, no matter what.
Between the womb and the tomb is the choice of acting
as though we own the earth and somehow it owes us everything because we exist,
or whether we tread lightly, knowing each breath, each morsel, each day
is an undeserved gift granted by Him taking our place.
When we acknowledge that His heart on earth bled
so that ours will continue to beat,
so that we may laugh, cry, love and worship–
only then we are right with God,
instead of insisting we be God.

His heart for ours. A substitution made perfect.

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heart

Awaiting His Arrival: From Weeping to Salvaged

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And his father and his mother marveled at what was said about him. 34 And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed 35 (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.
Luke 2: 33-35

 

Lacrymosa
Dolorosa
Voca Me
Libera
Salva Me

You are the voice that calls in the silence
You are the light that shines in the dark
You hold me if I were falling
Hear me if I am calling
Salva Me

You are the words of the song
Lacrymosa
You are the light
Dolorosa
You are the music that plays
Voca Me, Libera
You are the voice
Salva me
You are the day

Lacrymosa
Dolorosa
Voca Me
Libera
Salva Me

You are the words of the song in the sunrise
You are the music that plays at the dawn
You hold me in any sorrow
See me through every shadow
Salva Me

You are the words of the song
Lacrymosa
You are the light
Dolorosa
You are the music that plays
Voca Me, Libera
You are the voice
Salva me
You are the day

Lacrymosa
Dolorosa
You are the voice that calls in the silence
You are the words of the song
You are the light
You are the voice
You are the music that plays
You are the voice
You are the light
You are the day
~adapted for Libera from Saint-Saens’ Carnival of the Animals (Aquarium)

 

 

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Letting It Go

photo by Josh Scholten

Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

photo by Josh Scholten

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
~Mary Oliver, “In Blackwater Woods”

photo by Josh Scholten