If I Choose to Fly…

If I had a yellow breast, I would perch in high shadows.
And in my dreams, if I had to fly, I would fly quickly

because if I shone, the tabby on the ground would
not be fooled. He knows these trees do not flower.

Above me, bark rains down. And as his lifting paw
reaches me I sense Don’t move. And I don’t. 

~Lola Haskins “Goldfinch” from Homelight

The bird flying up at the windowpane
aspired to the blue sky reflected in it
but learned the hard truth and flew off again.
Was it a finch, a blue tit or a linnet?
I couldn’t quite identify the strain.


Checking a pocket guide to get it right
(The Birds of lreland, illustrated text)
I note the precise graphic work and definite
descriptions there, and yet I’m still perplexed.
I only glimpsed the bird in busy flight:


a bit like a goldfinch, like the captive one
perched on a rail, by Rembrandt’s young disciple,
except for the colouring, blue, yellow and green.
A tit so, one of those from the bird table
who whirr at hanging nuts and grain.


Off he flew. Now there’s a mist out there
and a mist in here that wouldn’t interest him
since what he wants is sky and open air.
He’s in the trees; I’m trying one more time
to find an opening in the stratosphere.

~Derek Mahon “At the Window”

In this world full of predators and prey,
even perching high on a tree branch,
motionless as a leaf or a bird-like blossom,
is risking a sharp-eyed hunter’s detection.

Or flying, oblivious, head-long into an enticing
reflection of blue sky might take me down

– any move I make could be my last –

So perhaps the moves I make,
whether subtle or grand,
must mean more than simply avoiding
being eaten by the eater.

Instead, I move with grace and purpose
to forage to feed my young,
to offer a bit of flashing gold to a gray landscape,
or fly with abandon because it is exactly
what my wings are created to do –

even when I’m aware hungry whiskers twitch below…

“handkerchief” tree in Northern Ireland
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Golden Pentimenti of Hopes

The goldfinches have left.
They have gathered up the air
                    beneath their black-robed wings
and shaken off the dust of our dusty world.

Abandoned thistle, crown of thorns;
broken bone stalk;
               and morning air, cloak
of our salvation, rent in absence.

What’s left?
Pentimenti of hopes
               in a dissolving frame.
Only, try to remember the endless knot of their song.

~Franchot Ballinger, “Passion Painting with no Goldfinches” from Crossings

Goldfinches, the Washington state bird, visit our feeders regularly until the air starts to chill in another month or so. Before I began offering up thistle seeds for the taking, they were only a golden streak across the barnyard during spring and summer, barely seen but clearly on a mission I could not discern. Now they linger companionably where I can witness their sparkling conversations while they share a meal with one another, as if our feeders were a local cafe.

Soon they will be gone, leaving pentimento shadows of where they once had been, their bright yellow feathers colored over with the dusty brown paint of a dry tired summer.

In over 500 Renaissance masterpieces of Jesus and Mary, the European goldfinch is included, representing the redeeming passion of Christ. In contrast to the plain black baseball cap of our American goldfinch, the legend is that its European cousin’s splash of red on its face represents Christ’s blood from the finch plucking a thorn of thistle from Jesus’ brow as He carried the cross to Calgary.

I always miss their flash of gold once they move to warmer wintering places. Yet like the restoration of Old Masters paintings, I know there will come a discovery of a painted-over portrait or scene that once again shines with renewed brilliance — the goldfinches will return with their riches of feather and song, bringing with them the promise of hope and redemption.

European Goldfinch from the Salt Project website
The Goldfinch by Carel Fabritius 1654
Madonna of the Goldfinch (1505–1506) by Raphael
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Remember This

Late in May as the light lengthens
toward summer the young goldfinches
flutter down through the day for the first time
to find themselves among fallen petals
cradling their day’s colors in the day’s shadows
of the garden beside the old house
after a cold spring with no rain
not a sound comes from the empty village
as I stand eating the black cherries
from the loaded branches above me
saying to myself Remember this
~W.S. Merwin “Black Cherries”

Let me imagine that we will come again
when we want to and it will be spring
we will be no older than we ever were
the worn griefs will have eased like the early cloud
through which the morning slowly comes to itself
and the ancient defenses against the dead
will be done with and left to the dead at last
the light will be as it is now in the garden
that we have made here these years together
of our long evenings and astonishment

~W.S. Merwin “To Paula in Late Spring”

Yes, let us be astonished that any spring happens.
That the dull gray of winter yields to petals and fruitful blossoms,
then to fruit that is both sweet and sour on our tongues.
That the air resonates with birdsong and flower perfume
and the sun warms enough to dissipate the mist and tears.

Let us remember this, oh let us remember
so it is never forgotten:
all is made right and good
as eternity itself will taste like this.

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