is taken by surprise as it speaks, are you sure this is the right street? for example—or just
cowpath—no more: a blurb, a bleep, really, out of the imagination, and then once again everything is
perfectly still, save, perhaps, a cow or two on the horizon,—
and the sound of cowbirds in sudden excellence, where
formerly there were none. ~Jane Mead“Sometimes the Mind” From The Usable Field
photo by Bette Vander Haakphoto by Bette Vander Haak
photo by Bette Vander Haak
Many current roads started out as cowpaths decades ago. These meandering trails made sense to cows at the time. Subsequently, because people lack imagination, we tend to also follow those original twist and turns as we navigate life’s byways. Now paved with asphalt and good intentions, our roads accommodate more than a herd of cows giving hitchhiking cowbirds a free meal.
Cowbirds don’t lack imagination though; they are ready-made opportunists. They occupy any furry back that happens to attract tasty insects. The (horse?)birds happily set sail on a dinner cruise while doing their host a favor by gobbling irritating flies.
Imagine meandering through countryside pastures all day, unconcerned where the next meal will come from because it always comes to you.
Its easy if you try. You can say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world (horses, cows, birds) will live as one…
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Once I am sure there’s nothing going on I step inside, letting the door thud shut. Another church: matting, seats, and stone, And little books; sprawlings of flowers, cut For Sunday, brownish now; some brass and stuff Up at the holy end; the small neat organ; And a tense, musty, unignorable silence, Brewed God knows how long. Hatless, I take off My cycle-clips in awkward reverence,
Move forward, run my hand around the font. From where I stand, the roof looks almost new- Cleaned or restored? Someone would know: I don’t. Mounting the lectern, I peruse a few Hectoring large-scale verses, and pronounce “Here endeth” much more loudly than I’d meant. The echoes snigger briefly. Back at the door I sign the book, donate an Irish sixpence, Reflect the place was not worth stopping for.
Yet stop I did: in fact I often do, And always end much at a loss like this, Wondering what to look for; wondering, too, When churches fall completely out of use What we shall turn them into, if we shall keep A few cathedrals chronically on show, Their parchment, plate, and pyx in locked cases, And let the rest rent-free to rain and sheep. Shall we avoid them as unlucky places?
Bored, uninformed, knowing the ghostly silt Dispersed, yet tending to this cross of ground Through suburb scrub because it held unspilt So long and equably what since is found Only in separation – marriage, and birth, And death, and thoughts of these – for whom was built This special shell? For, though I’ve no idea What this accoutred frowsty barn is worth, It pleases me to stand in silence here;
A serious house on serious earth it is, In whose blent air all our compulsions meet, Are recognised, and robed as destinies. And that much never can be obsolete, Since someone will forever be surprising A hunger in himself to be more serious, And gravitating with it to this ground, Which, he once heard, was proper to grow wise in, If only that so many dead lie round. ~Philip Larkin from “Church-going”
Even an empty shell of a church invites in silent witness- even those of us who struggle with unbelief, who stop only to rest a moment, to mock or sigh, breathe in the musty history of such a place.
Over the centuries, there has been much wrong with churches, comprised as they are of fallen people with broken wings and fractured faith. They seem anachronistic, from another time and place, echoing of baptisms and eucharist, weddings and funerals.
Yet we still return, fragmented souls that we are, acknowledging the flaws in one another as we crack open to spill our own.
What is right with the church goes beyond silence: Who we pray to, why we sing and feast together on the grace and generosity of His Word. We are restless noisy people joined together as a body bloodied, bruised, redeemed.
Dear Lord of Heaven and Earth, look out for us in our motley messiness, rain down Your restless love upon our heads, no matter how frowsty a building we worship in, or how we look or feel today.
Be unignorable, so we might come back, again and again.
We stand, stirred, in silence, simply grateful to be alive, to raise our hands together, then sing and kneel and bow in such an odd and humble house, indeed a home God might call His own.
pulpit peonies
The old church leans nearby a well-worn road, Upon a hill that has no grass or tree, The winds from off the prairie now unload The dust they bring around it fitfully.
The path that leads up to the open door Is worn and grayed by many toiling feet Of us who listen to the Bible lore And once again the old-time hymns repeat.
And ev’ry Sabbath morning we are still Returning to the altar waiting there. A hush, a prayer, a pause, and voices fill The Master’s House with a triumphant air.
The old church leans awry and looks quite odd, But it is beautiful to us and God. ~Stephen Paulus
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Here is the source of every sacrament, The all-transforming presence of the Lord, Replenishing our every element Remaking us in his creative Word.
For here the earth herself gives bread and wine, The air delights to bear his Spirit’s speech, The fire dances where the candles shine, The waters cleanse us with His gentle touch.
And here He shows the full extent of love To us whose love is always incomplete, In vain we search the heavens high above, The God of love is kneeling at our feet.
Though we betray Him, though it is the night. He meets us here and loves us into light. ~Malcolm Guite “Maundy Thursday”
On this Maundy Thursday we are called to draw near Him, to gather together among the hungry and thirsty to the Supper He has prepared.
He washes the dirt off our feet; we look away, mortified. He serves us from Himself; we fret about whether we are worthy.
We are not.
Starving and parched, grimy and weary, hardly presentable to be guests at His table, we are made worthy only because He has made us so.
This year’s Lenten theme: So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 18
By the magnet of Christ I am drawn to stillness My joy is to live as a recluse of Love Resting my head on the heart of all Mercy Living in the presence of the Presence
This is my home where I will live forever: Hidden with Christ in God
This breath and this heartbeat, the rhythm of my praising, sounding to the wing-beats of angel-song. My will is an anchor in the depths of silence – Living in the presence of the Presence
Each morning I rise in the Holy of Holies to sacrifice each moment of time. Burning like a lamp with the oil of gladness – Living in the presence of the Presence
Fasting from all things to feast on your manna, bread in the wilderness gathered each dawn. Tasting your sweetness in quiet communion – Living in the presence of the Presence
With my prayer I am sowing / sewing the seeds of heaven, a garden of paradise to bloom on earth. Spinning and weaving, revealing the beauty of Living in the presence of the Presence
In the silence of the senses I know only Being – the vast fields of heaven in the smallest thing. Unknowable mystery that cannot be spoken living in the presence of the Presence ~Kathleen Deignan
We do not want merely to see beauty… we want something else which can hardly be put into words- to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it.
We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Someday, God willing, we shall get in. ~C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory
Part of the joy of beauty is the realization that it is part of a larger whole, most of which appears to be just out of sight. We are drawn forward toward something… and left waiting, wondering. ~N.T. Wright from Life, God and Other Small Topics
Each day brings headlines that tear at us, pull us down and rub us with mud. We are grimy by association, sullied and smeared.
Still, in our state of disgrace, Beauty is offered up to us, sometimes out of the blue, unexpected but so welcome.
In His last act with those He loved, Jesus shared Himself through a communal meal, then washed and toweled their dirty feet clean, immersing them, despite their protests, in all that is beautiful and clean. He made the ugly beautiful.
He took on and wore their grime on a towel around His waist.
It is now our turn to help wash away the dirt from whoever is in need. He showed us how to help others look for the good parts.
This year’s Lenten theme: So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 18
Today is one of those excellent January partly cloudies in which light chooses an unexpected part of the landscape to trick out in gilt, and then the shadow sweeps it away. You know you’re alive. You take huge steps, trying to feel the planet’s roundness arc between your feet. ~Annie Dillard from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
It was like a church to me. I entered it on soft foot, Breath held like a cap in the hand. It was quiet. What God there was made himself felt, Not listened to, in clean colours That brought a moistening of the eye, In a movement of the wind over grass.
There were no prayers said. But stillness Of the heart’s passions – that was praise Enough; and the mind’s cession Of its kingdom. I walked on, Simple and poor, while the air crumbled And broke on me generously as bread. ~R.S. Thomas “The Moor”
After years of rarely paying attention, too busy with whatever household, work-place, or barnyard task needed doing, I realized there are only a finite number of sunrises and sunsets left to me.
Now I stop, take a deep breath, sense the earth’s roundness and feel lucky to be alive, a witness to a moment of manna falling from the sky.
Sometimes it is as plain and gray as I am, but at times, a fire is lit from above and beneath, igniting the sky, overwhelming me.
I am swept away by light and shadow, transfixed and transformed, forever grateful to be fed by heavenly bread broken over my head.
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I sit with braided fingers and closed eyes in a span of late sunlight. The spokes are closing. It is fall: warm milk of light, though from an aging breast. I do not mean to pray. The posture for thanks or supplication is the same as for weariness or relief. But I am glad for the luck of light. Surely it is godly, that it makes all things begin, and appear, and become actual to each other. Light that’s sucked into the eye, warming the brain with wires of color. Light that hatched life out of the cold egg of earth. ~May Swenson from “October”
portrait of Dan’s mom, Emma Gibson, praying, by granddaughter Sara Lenssen
We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words — to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. ~C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory
photo of Wiser Lake Chapel by Barbara Hoelle
I do mean to pray.
I will sit in an old wooden pew this Sabbath day, my fingers tightly braided together in gratitude for bathing in yet another feast of Light. I will be fed as surely as if I were being cradled at a warm breast, as if I were a newborn holding tightly with a mighty grip.
We were created to be nurtured like this, held close to beauty and stirred to life, immersed within a nest made for us out of cold dust.
So I drink deeply of the warm milk of beauty whenever offered. Perhaps you can too.
Original Barnstorming artwork note cards available as a gift to you with a $50 donation to support Barnstorming – information here
The season of sunset as it draws a veil over the day, befits that repose of the soul when earthborn cares yield to the joys of heavenly communion. The glory of the setting sun excites our wonder, and the solemnity of approaching night awakens our awe. If the business of this day will permit it, it will be well, dear reader, if you can spare an hour to walk in the field at eventide, but if not, the Lord is in the town too, and will meet with you in your chamber or in the crowded street. Let your heart go forth to meet Him. ~Charles Spurgeon from Morning and Evening Devotionals
During my forty years in medical practice, I saw many patients who struggled to sleep at night. Their minds raced, they couldn’t stop worrying, their bodies were tight with tension.
I would have preferred to prescribe walking an hour with God at sunset but that was not permissible at a public institution owned by the government.
Instead, I prescribed sleep hygiene habit, over the counter herbals, prescription medications or talk therapy, wrote documentation for emotional support animals, or suggested yoga or “meditation” or even a labyrinth walk.
I find what is most effective in my own life is allowing my heart to go forth and meet God’s invitation to communion with Him.
Spurgeon, in his own anxiety and depression, knew the healing power of a walk with God at sunset or a meal together in His memory. Even when we are hungry, thirsty, exhausted with worry — by throwing the cares of our heart out to Him, He will catch and hold them tight, raising us up alongside Him on the last day.
I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall not hunger; he who believes in me shall not thirst. No one can come to me unless the Father draw him.
And I will raise him up, and I will raise him up, and I will raise him up on the last day.
The bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world, and he who eats of this bread, he shall live for ever, he shall live for ever.
And I will raise him up, and I will raise him up, and I will raise him up on the last day.
Unless you eat of the flesh of the Son of Man and drink of his blood, and drink of his blood, you shall not have life within you.
And I will raise him up, and I will raise him up, and I will raise him up on the last day.
I am the resurrection, I am the life. He who believes in me even if he die, he shall live for ever.
And I will raise him up, and I will raise him up, and I will raise him up on the last day.
Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who has come into the world.
And I will raise him up, and I will raise him up, and I will raise him up on the last day.
Sr. Suzanne Toolan
Original Barnstorming artwork note cards available as a gift to you with a $50 donation to support Barnstorming – information here
The world is charged with the grandeur of God. It will flame out, like shining from shook foil; It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil Crushed. ~Gerard Manley Hopkins from “God’s Grandeur”
What took Him to this wretched place What kept Him on this road? ~Stuart Townend and Keith Getty from “Gethesemane”
photo by Bob Tjoelker
Jesus said, wait with me. But the disciples slept. Jesus said, wait with me. And maybe the stars did, maybe the wind wound itself into a silver tree, and didn’t move, maybe the lake far away, where once he walked as on a blue pavement, lay still and waited, wild awake. Oh the dear bodies, slumped and eye-shut, that could not keep that vigil, how they must have wept, so utterly human, knowing this too must be a part of the story. ~Mary Oliver from “Gethsemane”
You could not watch one hour with me–James Tissot
Today marks the crushing of Christ in the Garden of the Oil Press: Gethsemane -a place of olive trees treasured for the fine oil delivered from their fruit. And so, on this night, the pressure is turned up high on the disciples, not just on Jesus.
The disciples are expected, indeed commanded, to keep watch alongside the Master, to be filled with prayer, to avoid the temptation of their weakened flesh at every turn.
But they fail pressure testing and fall apart.
Like them, I am easily lulled by complacency, by my over-indulged satiety for material comforts that do not truly fill hunger or quench thirst, by my expectation that being called a follower of Jesus is somehow enough.
It is not enough. I fail the pressure test as well.
I fall asleep through His anguish. I dream, oblivious, while He sweats blood. I give Him up with a kiss. I might even deny I know Him when I’m pressed hard.
Yet, the moment of His betrayal becomes the moment He is glorified, thereby God is glorified and we are saved.
Crushed, bleeding, poured out over the world – He becomes the sacrifice that anoints us.
Incredibly, mysteriously, indeed miraculously, He loves us anyway, broken as we are, because He knows broken like no other.
Van Gogh – Olive Grove 1889
This year’s Lenten theme for Barnstorming is a daily selection from songs and hymns about Christ’s profound sacrifice on our behalf.
If we remain silent about Him, the stones themselves will shout out and start to sing (Luke 19:40).
In His name, may we sing…
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Come, ye weary, heavy laden, Lost and ruined by the fall; If you tarry till you’re better, You will never come at all.
When I am comfortable, well fed, not immersed in longing~ I am slow to respond to the call, tending to tarry in my satiety.
It is in my times of need and soreness and worry and hunger and thirst that I reach out, frightened, to find it is then I am most fit to be welcomed into His comforting arms.
If I tarry till I’m better, I might never come at all.
This year’s Lenten theme for Barnstorming is a daily selection from songs and hymns about Christ’s profound sacrifice on our behalf.
If we remain silent about Him, the stones themselves will shout out and start to sing (Luke 19:40).
In His name, may we sing…
I will arise and go to Jesus, He will embrace me in His arms; In the arms of my dear Savior, O there are ten thousand charms.
Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome, God’s free bounty glorify; True belief and true repentance, Every grace that brings you nigh.
Come, ye weary, heavy laden, Lost and ruined by the fall; If you tarry till you’re better, You will never come at all.
View Him prostrate in the garden; On the ground your Maker lies. On the bloody tree behold Him; Sinner, will this not suffice?
Lo! th’incarnate God ascended, Pleads the merit of His blood: Venture on Him, venture wholly, Let no other trust intrude.
Let not conscience make you linger, Not of fitness fondly dream; All the fitness He requireth Is to feel your need of Him. ~Joseph Hart
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Who but the Lord can give the shadows light, can break into the dark, draw morning from the night? Who but the Lord will hear our cry and answer, “Here am I”? Who but the Lord makes blinded eyes to see, gives music to the deaf, sets the lonely captive free? Who but the Lord will by His glory show the paths of peace? O shine on us the brightness of Your face, to earth’s remotest end, every people, every race. O shine on us until to each is shown Your saving grace. ~Susan Boersma
The sacred moments, the moments of miracle, are often the everyday moments, the moments which, if we do not look with more than our eyes or listen with more than our ears reveal only…a gardener, a stranger coming down the road behind us, a meal like any other meal. But if we look with our hearts, if we listen with all our being and imagination, what we may see is Jesus himself. ~Frederick Buechner
We can be blinded by the everyday-ness of Him: A simple loaf of bread is only that. A gardener crouches in a row of weeds, restoring order to chaos. A wanderer along the road engages in conversation.
Every day contains millions of everyday moments lost and forgotten, seemingly meaningless.
We would see Jesus if we only opened our eyes and listened with our ears. At the table, on the road, in the garden.
The miracle of Him abiding with us is that it truly is every day.
He has made it so He shines upon us.
This year’s Lenten theme for Barnstorming is a daily selection from songs and hymns about Christ’s profound sacrifice on our behalf.
If we remain silent about Him, the stones themselves will shout out and start to sing (Luke 19:40).
In His name, may we sing…
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Make a one-time or recurring donation to support daily Barnstorming posts