Packed Up and Gone Home

On the fire escape, one
stupid petunia still blooms,
purple trumpet blowing
high notes at the sky long
after the rest of the band
has packed up
and gone home.
~Sarah Frehligh “December” from Sad Math

Despite two killing frosts,
heavy melting rains
and blowing gusts of 45mph,
some of us still remain standing.

Despite all that comes at us,
whether expected or unexpected,
we’re still here
even when everyone else has packed up
and headed home.

We’re still blooming,
still breathing,
still shouting
at the top of our lungs:

~life is pretty good~

so as not to forget
blooming out of season beats giving up.

4 thoughts on “Packed Up and Gone Home

  1. I’m feelling like giving up. I’m having a bad day. After finally having an inroom compassionate caregiver visit in my 98 year old father’s personal care facility, I am just plain sad. Good to see him. Better yet to clean up the disarray I found. It’s a good facility, but no institution takes care of family like family. I’m on a quilt trip again.

    Switched cancer doctors for convenience sake after my move last yesr. I was on a path of treatment prescribed at the cancer center where I was diagnosed and first treated. I had accepted the cancer and was feeling okay with the decisions made. Got to the new doc and she wanted me to change meds…I won’t bore you with all the details. It has to do with pharmaceuticals and side effects. I had a visit in July and we had this lengthy conversation. I expressed my reasons for not wanting to follow her plan. I had another appointment in October and we had the same conversation. Then she asked if I’d like to talk with a nurse navigator. Finally had that conversation this week. She gave me the same script. Felt like she was saying the same thing shared with many patients. I didn’t feel like I was being heard. She just talked on and on with her narrative. Where is human compassion and looking at me as an individual and taking into consideration where I am coming from? I felt no compassion. No empathy. Just a sermon telling me what pharmaceuticals I should be taking. My previous doctor was not on this band wagon. So now I am confused and stressed and feel like I’m doomed if I don’t do as they say. I’ve had three lectures.

    Be prudent. Be prudent. That’s what the President of our continuing care facility keeps telling the residents here, when talking about COVID-19.
    Definition of prudent…acting with or showing care and thought for the future.
    So, I wonder what is the prudent thing to do, when thinking about my cancer?
    At this point I have no peace of mind.
    This morning and most of the day I’ve been having a pity party with lots of tears.
    Sure wish there was a morsal of empathy in the medical field. More and more I see it as a money racket.
    Can you tell I am having a bad day?
    Seize the day gently was your previous post.
    I need to work on that.
    Linda Ziegler


  2. Linda, I can almost feel the anguish of your angst and frustration as you deal with your Cancer. It must seem to you that, no matter wherever your turn or to whomever you go for consideration and help to ease your feeling of emptiness and lack of understanding and empathy to ease your suffering, you feel hurt and perhaps alone and even alienated from the overworked and overwhelmed medical and other helping professions (especially in this time of a mushrooming pandemic). Consider this, Linda:

    ‘Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus…For the joy set before Him He endured the Cross…and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
    Consider Him who endured…so that you will not grow weary and lost heart.”
    (Hebrews 12: 1-3)
    (And remember, that He is with you always. He will walk beside you during your time of trial and suffering. That was one of His most enduring promises to us.


  3. I was doing fine until I went to a new cancer center, because of my move.
    Why must doctors be so focused on pharmaceuticals? What about exercise, nutrition, relaxation?
    What about listening to the patient and allowing the patient to feel comfortable and at peace with the treatment they were given from the get go?
    Let it go, Linda.
    Let it go.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Linda, I am so sorry you are having this experience with your new medical providers. Most cancer centers have patient advocates to help you negotiate the difficult process of deciding forms of treatment. I hope that is an option for you. Doctors are trained to recommend treatments with the best evidence in studies, but they don’t always agree. It is very tough to be caught in the middle.


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