Learning to be Alone

photo by Josh Scholten

All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.
~Blaise Pascal

photo by Bette Vander Haak

I don’t do alone well.  Never have.  I’ve always preferred plenty of activity around me, planning gatherings, and filling days to the brim.  Very little of my days is spent by myself and I designed it that way.  But once in a while there comes a time when I must quiet myself, be still, and simply be, with no agenda.  With our children grown and gone, this is happening more often than I prefer even though the love of my life and I commute to work together, eat meals together, spend our evenings and nights together.  It is just so much … quieter now.  So quiet.

Typically I don’t prefer my own company.  I would rather be around those who are positive and encouraging yet when alone I’ll grouse and complain to myself.   There is no glossing over my flaws nor distracting myself from where I fall short.  Alone is an unforgiving mirror reflecting back what I have kept myself too busy to see.

Slowly but surely I will learn to sit within my own skin more comfortably, gaze out through 58 year old eyes attached to an over-capacity brain and begin to appreciate thinking random uninterrupted thoughts as they occur to me.    I might even decide I’m fit company for myself.   Maybe someday.  Probably not today.

Anyone up for a cup of coffee?

My treat.

4 thoughts on “Learning to be Alone

  1. How interesting. As I move steadily closer to living in an apartment by myself, I’ve had several people ask how I feel about being alone. No problem at all. Over the years, I’ve camped and traveled by myself and have spent accumulative hours alone in the garden, painting, or playing music. I enjoy companionship but do not require it, maybe because of my conditioning as a kid — spending time in bed while Mama had to do chores elsewhere in the house (although she would bring her ironing and needlework to my bedside, where we listened to the radio together), leaving me time to read, draw pictures, or listen to the radio alone, all of which gave me a headstart on career preparation.

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  2. Name the spot and time and I will be there Emily, I am always up for coffee:)
    Thanks again for being so transparent and honest. You are an encouragement to me.

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  3. Aha! I’ve found a way that we are different. There aren’t many … 🙂 I love to be alone. It is my preference and there is a noticeable pattern where I grow snappier and crabbier and tired after a day with non-stop interaction. xoxo

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