Now and Now

photo by Josh Scholten
photo by Josh Scholten

And so you have a life that you are living only now, now and now and now, gone before you can speak of it, and you must be thankful for living day by day, moment by moment … a life in the breath and pulse and living light of the present…
~Wendell Berry

My days are filled with anxious people, one after another after another.  They sit at the edge of their seat, eyes brimming, fingers gripping the arms of the chair.  Each moment, each breath, each rapid heart beat overwhelmed by fear-filled questions:  will there be another breath?  must there be another breath?   Must this life go on like this in panic of what the next moment will bring?

The only thing more frightening than the unknown is the known that the next moment will be just like the last.  There is a deficit of thankfulness, no recognition of a moment just passed that can never be retrieved and relived.   There is only fear of the next and the next so that the now and now is lost forever.

Their worry and angst is contagious as the flu.
I mask up and wash my hands of it throughout the day.
I wish a vaccination could protect us all from unnamed fears.

I want to say to them and myself:
Stop.  Stop this.  Stop this moment in time.
Stop expecting some one, some thing or some drug must fix this feeling.
Stop being blind and deaf to the gift of each breath.
Just stop.
And simply be.

I want to say:
this moment is ours,
this moment of weeping and sharing
and breath and pulse and light.
Shout for joy in it.
Celebrate it.
Be thankful for tears that can flow over grateful lips.

Stop me before I write,
because of my own anxiety,
yet another prescription
you don’t really need.

Just be–
and be blessed–
in the now and now.

5 thoughts on “Now and Now

  1. Thanks, Emily, for this reminder. Have you ever read Thomas Traherne? You sound like him… and he’s one of my favorites.

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  2. For me, one of the positive things about aging, even with multiple health problems, is that I am finding it much easier to let go and ‘just be.’ And to not take things or persons for granted.

    I find myself being acutely aware of a loving look from my son; the togetherness and continuity of family events and celebrations; conversations with longtime friends; my Italian next door neighbor gathering her extended family in late October to process hundreds of jars of tomato sauce from bushels of tomatoes that had been left in the sun to ripen as has been done for generations in the ‘old country’; a winter vision of pure white snow and tree branches laden with icicles gleaming in a moonlit silent night just outside my window; the first buds on favorite trees that emerge in the spring; emails and ‘love you, grandma’ from my cherished grandchildren — all of these precious, meaningful things in my ordinary life must be enjoyed and treasured — in the here and now — because I do not know…..

    Thank you, beautiful woman, for your timely reminder.

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  3. It’s amazing to me that everyone goes through these same awakenings, generation after generation. and it’s amazing to me that some folks may never see or feel that all of these ordinary things in life are so special. Just the being in the moment. And what would happen if you were to tell them to just feel the feelings and know that is life happening? Mom always told us to face our fears. Once we know what they are, there is nothing to fear.
    Thanks Emily for sharing with us.

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