Some Missing One

All winter
the blue heron
slept among the horses.
I do not know
the custom of herons,
do not know
if the solitary habit
is their way,
or if he listened for
some missing one—
not knowing even
that was what he did—
in the blowing
sounds in the dark,
I know that
hope is the hardest
love we carry.
He slept
with his long neck
folded, like a letter
put away.
~Jane Hirshfield “Hope and Love” from The Lives of the Heart

I know what it is like to feel out of step with those around me, an alien in my own land. At times I wonder if I belong at all as I watch the choices others make. I grew up this way, missing a connection that I could not find, never quite fitting in, a solitary kid becoming a solitary adult. The aloneness bothered me, but not in a “I’ve-got-to-become-like-them” kind of way.

I went my own way, never losing hope.

Somehow misfits find each other. Through the grace and acceptance of others, I found a soul mate and community. Even so, there are times when the old feeling of not-quite-belonging creeps in and I wonder whether I’ll be a misfit all the way to the cemetery, placed in the wrong plot in the wrong graveyard.

We disparate creatures are made for connection of some kind, with those who look and think and act like us, or with those who are something completely different. I’ll keep on the lookout for my fellow misfits, just in case there is another one out there looking for company along this journey.

9 thoughts on “Some Missing One

  1. Is that why I appreciate your blog so much and often connect with the words you share?
    Thank you for clarifying why I have been drawn to your blog.
    Thank you for sharing your insight to your unique self.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “…those receive me, who quietly treat me, as one familiar and well-beloved in that home: but will not, not now, not ever; but will not ever tell me who I am.”
    —A Death in the Family by James Agee


  3. Beautifully said Miss Emily. And I too listen for the call of others like me. I kniw that feeling if being loved for me, and then losing my dear soul mate as he passed ahead of me. I too, hold to God’s promises and I’m grateful for His Love to hold and lift me.
    Hugs from California dear sister in Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

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