Suds in the Sink

She rarely made us do it—we’d clear the table instead—
so my sister and I teased that some day
we’d train our children right and not end up like her,
after every meal stuck with red knuckles,
a bleached rag to wipe and wring.
The one chore she spared us:
gummy plates in water greasy
and swirling with sloughed peas,
globs of egg and gravy.                               
Or did she guard her place at the window?
Not wanting to give up the gloss of the magnolia,
the school traffic humming.
Sunset, finches at the feeder.
First sightings
of the mail truck at the curb, just after noon,
delivering a note, a card, the least bit of news.
~Susan Meyers “Mother, Washing Dishes”

My thoughts went round and round and it occurred to me that if I ever wrote a novel it would be of the ‘stream of consciousness’ type and deal with an hour in the life of a woman at the sink.

….I had to admit that nobody had compelled me to wash these dishes or to tidy this kitchen. It was the fussy spinster in me, the Martha who could not comfortably sit and make conversation when she knew that yesterday’s unwashed dishes were still in the sink.
~Barbara Pym from Excellent Women

Even the mundane task of washing dishes by hand is an example of the small tasks and personal activities that once filled people’s daily lives with a sense of achievement.
~B.F. Skinner, behavioral psychologist

I trace the faltering American family to the invention of the automatic dishwasher.

What ever has happened to the human dishwasher with two hands full of wash cloth and scrubber, alongside a dish dryer armed with a towel?

Where is the list on the refrigerator of whose turn is next, and the accountability if a family member somehow shirks their washing/drying responsibility and leaves the dishes to the next day?

No longer do family members have to cooperate to scrub clean glasses, dishes and utensils, put them in the dish rack, dry them one by one and place them in the cupboard where they belong. If the washer isn’t doing a proper job, the dryer immediately takes note and recycles the dirty dish right back to the sink. Instant accountability. I always preferred to be the dryer. If I washed, and my sister dried, we’d never get done. She would keep recycling the dishes back for another going-over. My messy nature exposed.

The family conversations started over a meal often continue over the clean-up process while concentrating on whether a smudge is permanent or not. I learned some important facts of life while washing and drying dishes that I might not have learned otherwise. Sensitive topics tend to be easier to discuss when elbow deep in soap suds. Spelling and vocabulary and math fact drills are more effective when the penalty for a missed word is a snap on the butt with a dish towel.

Modern society is missing the best opportunity for three times a day family-together time. Forget family “game” night, or parental “date” night, or even vacations. Dish washing and drying at the sink takes care of all those times when families need to be communicating and cooperating.

It is time to treat the automatic dishwasher as simply another storage cupboard and instead pull out the brillo pads, the white cotton dishtowels and the plastic dishrack.

Let’s start tonight.

And I think it is your turn first…

5 thoughts on “Suds in the Sink

  1. This warmed my heart, Emily. I have no idea if our dishwasher even works. We never use it. I prepare dinner, husband sets the table. He washes, I dry. I love our routine.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is much wisdom in this, Emily. I am about your age, and I agree that many of today’s modern conveniences that are supposed to make our lives easier (and ergo, give us more time together), actually pull us farther apart. There are times that I envy the Amish.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can remember at times my Mom would wash, ( I guess we didn’t quite get everything off) and my sister and I would each dry half….How many definitions of half can you have? Like if you “count” the silverware. I didn’t like drying the silverware, it got the towel too wet too fast…And if there 1/2’s do not follow each other, then the first dryer would wet the remaining dishes so the dryer would have a job to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I still remember some precious evocative family memories during the after-meal k.p. duty. That was before fancy-colored, scented dishwashing liquid and dish racks. Holiday dinners with family and relatives were very special — calling for using the French Limoges delicately painted family china and the sterling silver flatware — both having to be be hand washed, rinsed and dried immediately. For that super big job, the kitchen was filled with grandparents, aunts and uncles and other relatives who grabbed a linen dish towel to speed the chore along.. For me, it was a happy time because I got to see and talk with my large extended family on a different level.. In my brothers’ and my younger years, children were not usually engaged in dinner table conversation unless asked a specific question. But the dishwashing ‘party’ after dinner was different.. We kids heard wonderful, still-remembered family stories about Ireland and places closer to home.

    Now, as I look around a holiday table, I see too many empty chairs and dear faces (I could almost hear their voices and their laughter.) — and, of course we have a dishwasher — but the china and silver still have to be hand washed.
    Memories! A bittersweet legacy, but still necessary to recall and to rekindle for a short time and pass on…..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Delightful! Emily! : ) and thanks to all others who saw, still see the value of hand-washing and drying dishes, most especially for big family gatherings. I’m grateful to have those memories, with the unique gift for all participants who got into the joyful bonus that such a basic chore could give!

    Liked by 1 person

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